Ever felt like you are slowly fading away from yourself, your interests, your passions because of all the responsibilities that you face? You may or may not realise it, but if you have, you are experiencing the “Silent War”.
This is something that a lot of mothers face. So many women lose themselves once they are in the motherhood phase.
At some point, all mothers face this crossroad in parenting. We are so busy juggling between work and family that when we finally come up for air, we have a sudden realization that there is nothing else in our lives. We can’t answer even the most basic questions like: When was the last time you read a book and finished it? What is your favorite place to shop for clothing? When was the last time you had fun doing something that you love?
Mommyhood is one of the most taxing unpaid jobs that is often taken for granted; a busy, never ending, demanding world of diaper changes, bottle and breast feedings, sleepless nights, laundry, cooking, and educating.
Upon becoming pregnant, we moms are so focused on preparing for the new baby that we often lose our own identity and personal growth after the birth of our baby. Most of our time are spent on planning pediatrician visits, searching for baby items and interviewing potential sitters. It sure would be nice to have compassionate mom mentors to warn us of pitfalls that we could avoid from the beginning of our pregnancy.
Every mom gets it wrong before she gets it right, but many mothers still struggle with the vulnerability, even the ones that have been in the game for a long time. We must redefine who we are once we become a mother–all with less sleep, clarity and the greatest responsibility that we have ever had to assume.
My sister explained to me that she had lost her own identity in motherhood. While in pursuit of being a good mother she forgot to be kind to herself. She asked me to always take care of my own needs first (a radical thought for a new mom) and she told me that the best gift that I could give my family is a whole mom: A woman that liked herself, knew herself and respected herself enough to experience her own life. It meant that I had to get to know “me” and to think about my life.
Here are 4 Ways to Reconnect with Who You Are After Motherhood:
1. Create a weekly ritual that allows you some time alone. Select the same day and time of the week and schedule this time on an ongoing basis.
❤I started hitting the gym regularly and gather with friends occasionally.
2. Ask yourself, “What can I do right now to make me happier?” Whether it’s being happier at home, at work, finding a new hobby or volunteering, your next step is to act on what you have realized.
❤I embark on entrepreneurship. Have a look at the Instagram profile to know what I’m currently progressing.
3. Create a vision board of simple goals that you have for your life. Include your plans like graduate school, starting your business, losing 50 lbs from pregnancy or completing a 5k, for example.
❤ I start writing, adding a brand new role to life – Book Author. Buy my book, would you?
4. Join Social Media communities to connect with other women that you can relate with and that might have non-judgmental solutions to help you in your journey.
❤ I can’t do this, somehow I don’t really trust Facebook community. I would prefer to get opinions from my friends and family.
We often forget the most important rule of self preservation: you cannot give long-term what you do not have. Also, you share more of who you are with your children as you connect with the woman you once were. Making the decision to end the “Silent War” is a decision that each of us has to make in our own time and season. We get to decide what happens in our own lives.